Through the Night

TranscriberEllie: This is from the first notebook. It's a bit shorter than some of the others, but there were breaks in it where the author would just switch to a different page. So I'm going to break it up into separate posts (one a day) in keeping with the original formatting.

"We just have to last through the night."

That's what she always said. Every single night, she would sit on the couch, chin on her knees, an aerosol can in one hand, a lighter in the other, and say "We just have to last through the night." She would say it over and over and over, like a chant. Sometimes I wanted to hit her, beat her black and blue. Just to make her shut up. It was bad enough having to deal with this every single night without having to listen to her on top of it all.

But I never touched her, at least not to hurt her. There were plenty of nights when I would wrap my arms around her, hold her against me. Just to feel safe, or to make her feel safe. I knew it had to be harder for her than it was for me. She was the one who actually saw what happened to Mark. I only saw a glimpse of the aftermath as I was pulling her back into the house. I saw his body lying there on the lawn, completely still, the skin cracked and broken, the eyes gone completely. He was ten years old. Had only been ten years old for a few days. I see his body every time I close my eyes. It was the worst thing I've ever seen, and if it weren't for her, I'd say it was the worst thing I could imagine seeing. What she saw was worse.

I could never get the full story out of her. To be honest, I didn't try that hard. The fragments were enough, more than enough. I don't want to know everything she saw. I'm glad she never told me all of it. I'm glad I didn't see it happen to her.